So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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