Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
