i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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