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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.

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• (323): View more from California

  Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.

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• (530): View more from California

  I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!

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