You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
