It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
