you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick