Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.