My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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