How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
