ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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