so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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