Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
