I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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