I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
