Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
