I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize