If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
