help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
