your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
