did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
