So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
