I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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