Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
