I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
