Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.