we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.