She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?