my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.