I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.