I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
