i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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