Pappa wants mamma naked
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
