At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
