so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
