I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
