operation have a gay friend backfired
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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