If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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