wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
