thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
