i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
a search helicopter?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
