I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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