It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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