checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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