He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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