Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
