**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
