nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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