She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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