What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
