Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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