i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
as a side note pls kill me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
