you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
