Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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