Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
