Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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