Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
