i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
