Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm jealous of your bromance
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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