just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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