oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
