Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
