i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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