U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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