omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I want is dick and wine.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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