haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
