Since when is my name a synonym for head?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize