Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
