im drinking this country out of the recession.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
