O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
