they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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