you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you didnt know i had herpes?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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